Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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