Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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