i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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