New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
