I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
