I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
