I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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