I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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