She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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