You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
