and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize