I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
