jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
