so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Randomize
