I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
