I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
