What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
