Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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