and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
