Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
