Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
