you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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