Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
