I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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