Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
