Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
