I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize