Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
