Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
