This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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