I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
