Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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