the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
