I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
