Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
