I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
