In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
