have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
