don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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