my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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