Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
