this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
