what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
