help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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