3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
