The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
