I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
