I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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