She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
