ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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