No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize