i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
