You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
