haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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