Someone shit on the floor
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
