Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
