Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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