C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
