I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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