my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
