just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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