Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
