And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
