Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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