apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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