I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize