Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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