didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
